Echoes

I've been hearing the ending of a poem my former roommate Andi Young wrote back in college (which I think she herself doesn't even have a copy of anymore). Here are the last lines. I leave out the rest, since I don't have explicit permission from Andi to share it and don't want any of you all to steal it and publish it, because it is definitely that good.

"and i think
that this could be
love and today.

just today."

Comparison

From the CIA World Factbook:

Ghana
population: 21 million
ave. life expectancy: 58.47 years
children/women: 3.02
GDP/capita: $2,500
unemployment rate: 20%
% below poverty line: 31.4%
weather (4pm local time): 90 degrees F, feels like 96, 55% humidity

Egypt
population: 77 million
ave. life expectancy: 71 years
children/women: 2.88
GDP/capita:$4,400
unemployment rate: 10%
% below poverty line: 16.7%
weather (current time 6pm): 57 degrees F and feels that way, 59% humidity

Malaysia
population: 23.9 million
ave. life expectancy: 72.24 years
children/women: 3.07
GDP/capita: $10,400
unemployment rate: 3.6%
% below poverty line: 8%
weather (current time midnight): 81 degrees F, feels like 86, 84% humidity

Surprised that Malaysian women have more children than Ghanaian or Egyptian; that Egyptians live almost as long as Malaysians; that Egypt is currently more humid that Ghana---that's gotta be wrong. The population of Malaysia and Ghana is roughly that of Cairo alone.

Reality Check

I met a former Ghanaian co-worker Friday night. Earlier in the day, he'd called to ask if his younger sister could come along. In the African style, it turned out to be his cousin. (Strangers can be 'auntie,' but real aunties are called often called mother.) After a few drinks (cringing the whole while from the singer-accompanying-himself-on-synthesizer), the bill came. He didn't make a move, so I paid--for the whole thing. I hate that, but it wasn't unexpected. I suppose, technically, I invited him. Plus, he's now a student and I have income. At least he'd asked permission to bring someone along. (I once witnessed a guy yelling at a girl in a parking lot about how she's always bringing her friends and spending his money. He was so mad it looked like he was going to hit her and some other strangers got involved and "took her fight.")

Later that night, a friend referred to me as the girl with long hair. I looked around and noticed that the 3 other women I was with all had hair shorter than mine. A momentary identity crisis, since all my life I've been the one with short hair. Strange that the people I meet now have never known or seen that Jill.

There was a city-wide street cleaning on Saturday morning. Stores had to remain closed and people scooped out the open gutters in front of their homes and shops. That left big piles of wet icky goop and trash on the side of the street and I was sure that those same piles would be there two days later. However, if I remember correctly, I didn't see 'em this morning, which means somehow they actually got collected. I anticipated that it would sit there on the road until rain washed it right back into the gutter. Ghana 1-Jill 0. Bravo!

In the evening, I accompanied an American friend to her Ghanaian friend's bday bash as her 'wingman.' It was a high society party--not only rich people, but powerful ones (eg the man dubbed most likely to be the next president has strategy meetings at this guy's house). It was a DJ-ed, catered sit-down dinner in a backyard garden with pool. Spent most of the night talking with a successful young Nigerian who has traveled the world playing rugby, went to BU, speaks with a British accent, and only talked about himself (and he couldn't even redeem himself on the dance floor). Meanwhile, A. impressed me with her ability to talk intelligibly about IT issues, cars, and football (soccer). I was taking notes.

Sunday was a lazy day, spent holed up at W.'s house, watching movies and football, doing laundry, and ordering food in. Same as last weekend. Bliss.

Postcards

Out of Shape
(Pete, Olivier, Naz, Katie, Gaby, Ali, Kelly, Haitham, Will, me, Jane, Annie)
Basketball in Accra, Dec 2005
















Two Worlds Collide
(J beside me, S in front)
Malaysians in NYC, Dec 2005















Dad's proud (?) to wear BOTH his daughters' Christmas presents
(Katrina: key to getting left eye to remain open in digital pix---use red eye reducation so it flashes differently!)















Best Blog Reader of the Year Award
To my cousin Missy




















Not Just Fair Weather Friends
Jan 1st Bonfire














Prince Charming, wearing the scarf I knitted him

















(A few more pictures here.)

Trippin'

I only just got back and off I go again:

My first day back in Ghana, I was offered the chance to go "on loan" to our sister organization in Nairobi, Kenya. In two weeks' time, I will be in East Africa (map)! Circuit rides to Addis Abba, Ethiopia (about 9 days), Kampala, Uganda (5 days) and Kigoma, Tanzania (2 weeks) included! Kigoma is in the northwest part of Tanzania, on Lake Tanganyika and near to the Congo border. It is also close to the national park where Jane Goodall has done all her chimp work. The total trip will be 6 weeks. I'm not sure how much time off I'll have while there, but I'll certainly come home with extra vacation days and money in the pocket from the per diem! Hot damn. (Possible overland trip through Burkina Faso and Mali for two weeks at the beginning of May with two friends as a result?!)

It's a bit of a coup that I get to go. I was technically 7th in line, with 3 spots open to those with the most seniority. 2 struck out because they're not Americans and aren't eligible, 2 resigned just before the trip was announced. After only 5 months on the job (and already a trip to Guinea and a 31 day paid holiday), my timing seems to have been impeccable.

Salam

All attempts to find a fortune teller have ended fruitlessly.

Here is what I know: I could be happy here, with him. Only I'm not sure it's the life I want. I'm not sure that I want to know how my story ends already, to forego further adventures, new countries, more exploration. Of course, this could be a whole new kind of adventure. One that takes as much courage (maybe more) as getting on a plane bound for a new destination. I know I can't go on moving from country to country forever (particularly the lovin' n leavin' bit). I've had my first glimpse of the possibility of 'settling down' and I think that will feel mighty fine--in the right circumstances. I feel strong, very alive, and a little bit of hurt.

I received an email from a friend last month, updating me on her life: "fell smashing in love (over so soon yet a good experience)." I could certainly plagarize the first half of that statement.

As for the second, not just yet.

Progress

Seven and a half years ago was really the first time I left home. Driving out East to college, we had to stop even before we left Illinois so I could throw up in a gas station bathroom. I was a wreck; nervous, hesitant, sad, anxious, unsure.

Junior year spring semester I didn't fare much better as I packed up to go to Egypt for a semester abroad. My college boyfriend was going to be in Central America and I just couldn't imagine being at Yale without him. So I went to Cairo. But the two weeks leading up to that departure, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't stop crying. Of course, there was the added drama of a boy, but it was also about leaving and going into the unknown. My mom would play a "Worse Case Scenario" game, imagining ridiculous things that always made me laugh and left me feeling a little bit better. First couple of weeks, I was sure it was the worst decision of my life--now I'm sure it was one of the best.

The first month of my senior year, my emotional and mental anxieties once again manifested themselves physically and I could hardly eat; it was a burpy, gastrological time of my life, brought out no doubt by the uncertainty of the future. Life After College. Now that's over, I'm repeately faced with Life After...Life? Always seems like I'm coming or going, but I'm much better at it now.

Returning to Egypt was easier. Been there, done that. Knew Amber would be there to back me up. I can't remember my departure to Malaysia, but I don't think it was too traumatic (though Christmas away WAS rough). A year ago last Feb, I was headed off to Ghana. I didn't know anyone there and didn't have a paying job. But I went and now I'm going again. It's no longer a big question mark: job, friends, apartment--Check. Already beginning to daydream about the next destination.

I'm not saying it's easy. I'm just saying, I know the routine. 'Round about Wednesday, I couldn't really eat my breakfast. Thursday night I didn't sleep so well. Tonight, again, I found it difficult to eat and could cry at the drop of a hat. (I was also really cold, but I think that's just the weather and my weakened tropical constitution.) The rest is part of the process I've come to recognize. I'm focused on the leaving and that's tough, but I'll make it through it.

Though I'm off into the known this time, there's a slight hiccup--the stop in Cairo. Prince Charming may be waiting for me there, but I'll be leaving after only 8 days. 8 days of fantasy, not real life. It will be a wonderful and awful trip.

As I approach this Unknown, this adventure, I am trying to keep in mind the compliment that a friend gave me in college; she told me that she thought I was brave because I'm not afraid to feel my feelings. I didn't think of it as being true then, but since August, I've been trying to live like it is. It wasn't an easy decision to go out on a limb, to "go see about a boy." But then again, it wouldn't have been easy to just walk away and close that book so prematurely; there would have always been a question mark left behind. Once I made my decision about going to visit him, I felt courageous, daring, romantic. That's the person I want to be. (I love that line in "Love Actually" when the little boy says, "Let's go get our asses kicked by love.")

I've never felt life was a "choose your own adventure" book as much as I do now. Only no re-dos and I can't control other people's words or choices. Only my own. Honesty and clarity (and a few magical moments) is what I hope for. Insha'allah.

New Year's Fortune Cookie

First to the party, I picked my cookie and hid it in my shoe till we could open them later, all together. I wanted that one to be mine.

"Life to you is a dashing and bold adventure."