An Engagement

There was an engagement ceremony at the compound the day I moved in. A worker at the compound was getting engaged to another worker’s brother. There were two groups of plastic chairs facing each other, with a representative for the bride and one for the groom standing in the middle. This is when the man’s family brings the things that the woman’s family has requested and the exchange is made. I couldn’t follow everything that was going on because it was in Ga, so don’t count on this information 100%. I’m sure I’ll be going to more engagements and weddings and will fill in details as they become available to me.

It seems that the woman gets clothes, shoes, jewelry, some wine and a bit of money (maybe about $100, depending on the tribe and the class) as dowry. The engagement is a time for negotiation and the man’s family can try to lower the rates. At Saturday’s event, some of the man’s family (my side of the chairs) got up and went aside to discuss something. Later, it was the woman’s family’s turn to hold a side pow-wow.

Most of the people at the engagement were women, though there were a few men. One of the men was very vocal in his singing and Amen-ing. So much so that I thought he might be hamming it up in an insincere, jerky way. But F. (my housemate) assured me that he was genuinely into it. The bride’s representative sang several times and her voice quivered, making me think of a munchkin from the Wizard of Oz.

The bride is the third from the left.

Eventually, the woman and groom came out (from separate places). The families and couple walked/danced in a line through the middle briefly. Neither of the couple looked particularly happy, but I’m told that is in their personality, rather than a cultural norm. The engagement rings were in a red case shaped like a fish (it’s not always a fish) and a woman presided over the exchange of rings (usual). The representative of the bride made the bride spin around and said that she has no marks on her body now and that when she returns home, there shouldn’t be anything; a nice way to say they won’t allow for her to be domestically abused.

The groom is in the light blue. Ring around the rosy with the family.

After the exchange, the guests are treated with glass bottles (!) of Coke and cake and given small tokens (this was a plate and hand-held plastic fan). The engagement and wedding can be on the same day, or as much as a year or two apart. One girl in my office said her church always has the wedding 3 weeks after the engagement. The wedding (in a church or court) can be done whenever the couple wants (i.e. have money), but is not compulsory. After the engagement, it is morally acceptable for a couple to live and/or sleep together.